With a new baby on board life changes for both parents but let’s be honest – in most cases, it’s mummy’s life which turns completely upside down. Being with your baby 24/7 doing all the necessary stuff to keep him or her alive and not getting crazy at the same time is an art to say the least. Daddy is going back to work whether it’s his job or his business and at least his professional day time life stays the same.
I’m lucky, my husband is an amazing dad and he’s been amazing from the moment our boy was born. I could not ask for a better daddy for Kuba and partner for myself. From the very first day, he’s been helping with everything, and I’m sure he would breastfeed for me as well if he could 🙂 But after spending first few days together, hubby got back to work. I had my parents and my mum in law to help, but after the first month they were all gone. During the day, I was on my own.
I was shocked – me, normally very organized and perfect with planning – I couldn’t plan anything as EVERYTHING was around the baby. No more doing things when and how I wanted as my little “managing director” was the one in charge…
My life was all around constant breastfeeding, constant nappy changing, constant washing up (as something exploded in a nappy), constant ironing, and did I mention constant breastfeeding? Somewhere in between, we managed to go for a walk when my little Prince was having his nap, and I was trying to put myself together. Later when Kuba was getting bigger, we started going to Children Centres for various activities like baby joga, baby massage, baby swimming to name a few.
And somehow in there, I needed to do shopping, cooking, cleaning, and what else?…off course eating myself as well…
At the same time, my dear husband was in his job, got promoted, had new things to learn, different projects to manage, new people, to hire, various meetings to attend. Apart from this, he’s been focusing on setting up his business and working with a professional coach.
So we’ve been living in 2 completely different worlds, speaking different language.
I was in MAMA Zone and my husband was in BUSINESS Zone.
Sometimes we had no time to catch up with ins and outs of the day as when Kuba finally fell asleep I was exhausted and ready to bed.
How was it possible for us to still communicate and got into each other’s world? Our friends often ask us what is our secret to have such a happy and fulfilling relationship even with baby on board?
The answer is:
Quality Time Together
What is quality time? It’s time we spend only with each other. No phones, no media, no interruptions. It’s time when we are with each other and for each other – we talk, we share, we listen. Even before Kuba was born, we had our quality time once a week, but now, with the baby on board, we can see how crucial it is…We still have our quality time once a week – over the weekend we take Kuba for a walk, and while he is having his nap, we talk.
This is the most valuable time we have for each other during the week
and we are always looking forward to it.
There are certain rules to apply for this quality time to work:
Planning is essential – plan your quality time together as you plan other things in your week. Make it important, make time for it. Stick it in your calendar. WHAT GETS SCHEDULED GETS DONE.
Talk to each other; this is Your Time, share what’s going on in your life. I know it must sound absurd as you see each other every day but really – your day life may be completely different, and you may not have time to catch up. What seems insignificant for you may be important for your partner and vice versa. And for mums, it is soooooo important to have an ADULT CONVERSATION.
This one is VERY IMPORTANT. Talking is easy, you immerse into your world, and you can talk about it all day long. But listening to your partner is what gets you into his or her world. We have 2 ears and 1 mouth, use them accordingly. Pay attention, ask questions, be interested in what he or she is sharing with you.
4. Ask “How do you feel.”
This one is what got us even closer together. Sharing information, facts about what’s up in your lives is necessary but talking about your feelings is what takes your relationship to the next level. Most men don’t understand how we can TALK ABOUT FEELINGS but for mums spending all day with the kids, this is crucial. Especially when our post-pregnancy hormones are driving us crazy.
Getting off the chest how you feel physically and emotionally, sharing with your partner all about your fatigue, worries, frustrations, insecurities that come with motherhood, will clear your head and make you feel better. And your partner, not run by sleepless nights and those hormones, he may be able to help you with showing you things in a different light. He may even get more involved in looking after the baby so that you can have a nap. Or you can brainstorm some other ideas that will work well for both of you. Remember – MEN DON’T KNOW WHAT WOMEN WANT UNTIL WE TELL THEM.
And vice versa – you may be able to help your partner with those business decisions he’s been struggling with. Your female instinct may work wonders. When you look from the outside, you are more capable of seeing things differently.
Ask for help and be willing to accept it. Not only you can help each other, but by understanding your emotions, you are getting much closer together. You will be surprised how effective it is.
5. Be present
This is your time to be 100% present. Switch off those mobiles, computers, TV and other media devices. And focus on listening, do not start thinking about your stuff, do not interrupt, do not propose your brilliant solutions when your partner is talking. Let him or her finish. If you are sitting, looking into each other’s eyes. You will be surprised how different the person who is talking would feel. And guys – your woman feels when you drift away!!!
6. Be close
Hold your hands, look into your eyes, hug each other, kiss, be close. When you have so little time for each other, cherish every moment <3
Trust me and Make Time for this Quality Time in Your Relationship. It Works, and It Is Powerful.